Saturday, December 03, 2005\r\n\r\n MyKatrina \r\nCurrent mood: grateful \r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n\r\n I was living with my son in the French Quarter in New Orleans. I loved it. I had first moved to Nola 9 years before from Memphis. As soon as the air changed and became heavy I could feel something stir within me. When I saw the city skyline I knew this was my city. I never had to ask for directions and I never felt unsafe. I lived downtown in a highrise (Gravier Place) for the first couple years and then moved to Vegas. I knew I had made a mistake right away and moved back to Nola, this time into the Quarter. \r\n\r\n I just loved the whole lifestyle. The French Quarter is very compact. You walk everywhere becuause everything you need is right there. If you wanted to go far there were taxis, trollys, boats, busses. I perfered not to have a car. I loved the different live music, the food, the parks, christmas..... the smells. Yes, that..\'s right. Even the way it smelled. \r\n\r\n I was getting behind on some bills so I sent my 3 year old son to my Aunts house in Chicago for what was supposed to be 10 days or so. \"Summer vacation\" That would give me all the time I needed to catch up. It was the first time I had ever spent time away for my son and it brought me much unhappiness.... but I was getting what I needed accomplished. \r\n\r\n I was working on Burbon Street inside a bar. I knew the management and my co-workers well as I had worked in that club off and on for about 7 years. I was at work when the mayor came on the TV to tell us that Katrina was not going to turn (as they had since 1965) and that this was, indeed, the worst case sinario. To prey and to try to leave immedietly. Some of the girls at worked started to panic. I had to calm serveral down while my stomach started to turn flip-flops. This was serious. Katrina had started up the east side of Florida so many of us discontinued our attension to it. We had very little time to leave and most of us living in the Quarter had no transportation. Contrary to what I have heard it wasn\'t just the poor who were stranded. New Orleans inner city is for walking. I\'ve explaned that over and over in the past months.\r\n\r\n A friend of a friend helped me. A guy named Mike. He came to my work and asked me what I was going to do. The mayor said not to go to the Superdome. Use that as a last resort as it was going to be very, very uncomfortable. That is what we were usually instructed to do. I just didn\'t know. My apartment didn\'t seem that sturdy even though it was on the second floor. He told me that we could go to a friend of his house in Covington, about 45 mins away. His friend told me that would be far enough and if things started looking very bad we would head further north. It was that or the Superdome so I went with Mike and his friend. This turned out to be a mistake. \r\n\r\n We went to my apartment and I ran through it like there was a fire. I grabbed a suitcase of clothes and my son..\'s babybook and a journal I had written just for him about him, and our personal records. I thought I would be able to return so I left money and all sorts of other things that had I known what was to happen I would have surley taken. \r\n\r\n On the way there Mike\'s friend talked about how his buddy up the street had evacuated (dumb cause it wasn\'t going to hit, he said) but that we could go to his house once the power went out becuase he had a generator. He didn\'t want to go until the last moment, though. Once we arrived at his house waited. I didn\'t know these guys so we tried to get to know each other by chatting. I talked to my dad on the phone and he told me that he didn\'t think I had gone far enough. I was reasured that we were \"fiiiine\". \r\n\r\n The power went out. Time to move over to his \"buddys\" house. A tree fell in frount of the car and then one behind it. I don\'t remember much else of the acutal hurricane. I remember being crowched in the doorway of a house very sick and watching the trees blowing sideways. I thought, \"well, that just dosn\'t look right.\" I was coxed back into the car by Mike (his friend had tried to leave me there \"leave her!\") where the guys kept trying to get us somewhere safe. The two aruged about how to do this endlessly and we just kept getting more stuck. The water was over the hood in some places now and i remember tripping over power lines under the water. Thank god I can\'t remember much more. \r\n\r\n Sometime later (I was told 13 hours later) we finally got back to Mike\'s friends house. He lay down on the floor and said that he once had a heart attack before and it felt like he was having another. So tried to talk him through breathing and he fell asleep on the floor. Mike also passed out. I sat wondering how bad the situation really was. He had no radio. \r\n\r\n I must have dozed off because I was shaken awake by Mike. He said that we had to get out of there. He would go to El Dorago to his friends house. I left my things and we got in the car. The leaves broke right after we left flooding Nola. Mike..\'s friend was very drunk and made the trip up hell. Mike said he almost cried. \r\n\r\n There was no gas anywhere. We were confused. A gas station charged Mike $13 for a pack of cigeretts. \r\n\r\n We arrived in El Dorago and a family there who knew Mike fed us and gave us a place to sleep. We passed out and slept for 3 days off and on solid. Mike\'s girlfriend was there. I don\'t get the impression that she appriciated me being there very much. \r\n\r\n We went out to a bar and saw some live music. That was really nice after what we had just gone, through. But the guy who\'s house we were staying at drank to much and told me he would like to have me sleep with his wife. When I declined he told he I was no longer welcome there. Mike\'s girlfriend told me I could stay with her. Although I could feel the annomosity she was very nice to do this. Mike stayed at his mothers and us girls got more aquanted. \r\n\r\n Then we got the chance to go back down to New Oleans to help out. Mike\'s car was still there and so was some of our stuff. Mike and I felt terrible watching the news and not being able to help. So they decieded to leave and return to New Orleans. I thought I was going to get to help. \r\n\r\n We had a van full of food and donations and we were ready to work. When we arrived they took our donations and turned away our help. We were at a loss for what to do so Mike\'s girlfriend suggested that they could go to an aunts house near there but that I could not. They dropped me off at the same house I started at. Mike\'s friends in Covington. I stayed there in the smothering heat, hungry, misqueto bite covered and missing my son terrible for 2 weeks. No electricity, water or help of any kind. There were gun shots all night and all day. Some of them automatic. I would dread sundown. I wrote in my son\'s journal to pass the time. Mike brought me food a couple times. His girlfriend had sex with a guy behind his back to get a car while I had stayed with her. She had planned to break up with him. I told him this. I was very sorry and thought he deserved better. After all he had saved me. \r\n\r\n I finally got a visit from a girl I knew pre-K. She took me to Lafyette and dropped me off there. She later stole 56 lbs of the clothing I dropped off at my laundry service at HulaMays. She said she was me and they just handed over my clothes to her. An ex of mine tried to steal my funature but couldn\'t because my landlord rented my apartment and is charging higher rent for a furnished apartment. He said that he has thrown out everything else. None of that stuff he said was damaged at all. \r\n\r\n I couldn\'t get out of Lousiana. I had no tranportation and the buses and trains were not running. I had no money. Every time I said \"ok I\'m just going to hand myself over to the Red Cross\" there would be someone right there telling me they would help me. \"Don\'t do that let me help you... trust me, please. Let me do this I want to help.\" They would really steal the little bit of stuff I had on me, try to have sex with me, keep available help out of my reach... or just be all around unhelpful. Everyone had another agenda. Taking advantage of someone in my situation is something I just could not understand. I missed Mike. I was sorry I had been seperated from him. He had saved my life and saved me from the superdome. I wonder where he is now...... \r\n\r\n Now I was alone, frigtened and to make matters worse, one guy who said he was going to help me (he had no intensions of doing this) landed me right in the path of Rita. We were right in the dirty side of the eye. Local news told us to wright our socal security number on our bodys with permanent marker so they could identify our bodys. Also to spray paint the number of people inside our house so they could tell how many dead were inside. I slept under his stairs terrified. In the morning his girlfriend was on her way so he kiched me out into the street. \r\n\r\n This went on for another month. I asked my mother to wire the FEMA money into her account because I heard that is how other people were getting out of there. She would not. My Aunt who had my son would not either. My mother wanted me to pass gardianship of my son over to my aunt. I asked her why no one in my family seemed willing to help me. So they \"spent all day finding the closest Red Cross centers.\" How would i get there? I was begining to consider hitching rides to Chicago.\r\n\r\n 2 1/2 months after Katrina my dad wired the $2000 from FEMA into his account. I begged a guy to take me to Hammond to catch the Amtrack. He didn\'t want to at first but I finally, um, persuaded him. He took me the night before so I had to sleep in Hammond for a night but there were no hotels or shelters. I slept in the police station loby. They were very nice to me. I would have slept on nails if it meant seeing my son the next day. \r\n\r\n I walked to a restaurant up the street and ate my last Lousianna meal for what I knew would be a long time. I had Gumbo. I smelled the air and said my goodbyes to my home. Soooo grateful to be getting out of there, exausted, and so thankful. True, pure gratitude.\r\n\r\n At the Amtrak station the guy who checked me in told me there was a mistake made (there wasn\'t) and that to appologise on behalf of Amtrak they would upgrade me to the best suite available. What a nice way to leave the mess left of Lousiana. I intend to thank that man personally someday. It was a wonderful trip (love the train!) and I as we neared Chicago I became excieted to call this my new home. \r\n\r\n After arriving in Chicago I (and had been) preparing to intergrate myself into my sons kind of established routine. My aunt told me she wanted me to leave. \r\n\r\n I had a staph infection (later I found out it was the kind resistant to antibotics) that I had picked up after the hurricanes. It was extremly painful. I still have it today, although I have been able to recieve some treatment for it. \r\n\r\n My father had used to rest of my FEMA money to pay off much needed bills. This infuriated my aunt when I told her this. She told me to get out of her car on a dark road at night. I had no idea where I was. I pleaded with her to give a chance. She told me that I \"didn\'t get it\" and admitingly, I didn\'t. I made the mistake in thinking that your family always welcomes you and always loves you.\r\n\r\n I went on this site and found a lady and her husband willing to take me in. She came to pick me up from my aunts house but my aunt had called a policeman friend of hers. Her bank had made an error and put $300 into a different account but she thought I stole it. This policeman yelled at me for about an hour in frount of my son. They tried to take me to a shelter but there was none available. My son was screaming and crying and the louder he screamed the louder the policeman screamed. The lady that I had talked to on this site, understandably left. So the police took me and my son to the police station where I spent the night in the loby (again). \r\n\r\n My father came to pick me up and brought me to Kentucky. He can bearly pay the bills himself and \"is at a time in his life where he just can\'t handle all the noise\" of my son. Again transportation is a problem out here as it is very rural. He showed me a site that offered section 8 housing. I told him about this site and about all the amazing people willing to help people like me. When I knew I had to leave my aunt\'s house I had sent out several emails to people on this site. Once I arrived in Kentucky I started turning them down thinking that I would stay here for a while, go to school, and enjoy the time with family. Now it looks like that is not going to be the case. My father would like his home back. I understand that. \r\n\r\n So I am again looking for a new place to live. I would rather move away from Kentucky. \r\n\r\n I hope this helps some of you to understand the many different faces of this event. It\'s easy to say what you would have done but until your faced with the situation where all the things your \"know\" to be true are not and nothing works you just can\'t understand how it feels. In hind site I made many mistakes but there again there were limited options. I did what I thought was the best thing as each new problem arrose. Katrina cost me my home, my family, and faith in our government. I havn\'t heard from any of my friends, co-workers, or neighbors as they wouldn\'t know how to contact me. They are spread out all over now. I don\'t talk to a single one. \r\n\r\n I had a friend, Roan who apparently stood calling for me on the street outside my apartment before he gave up and left with his mother. I got ahold of him and we were so glad to talk to each other. I sobbed on the phone. He told me that is should have been us going through all this togeather. That he would save me and bring us togeather. He didn\'t. The last time I talked to him he was in Vegas with his ex-girlfriend. We said goodbye and havn\'t talked since. He was my best friend. My only real one, probably. I since have been found by my best friend in high school. Her and my brother have fallen in love and I am so happy to have her back in my life. It\'s an amazing thing to be stripped of everything you have worked for.... running away from your hometown to try to be something greater. Better. Only to be send back home, 10 years later, tail between your legs, with nothing. At least when I was younger I had my mother, clothes, and a family home where I actually HAD to live. I look back at this, but it seems a million miles away. \r\n\r\n There is a lot I didn\'t include. Some pretty terrible stuff, but that is all I could bring myself to wright at the moment. Maybe at a later time I will be able to purge myself of the entire story. Maybe it will cleanse me. They say what dosn\'t kill you makes you stronger, but I believe some things scare you, poison you, and robs you. Robs you of yourself. Somethings you never get back. You just go on. You manage it.\r\n\r\n I have my son. That makes me the luckiest girl on earth. I have it so much better than so many people. I am so grateful. My heart bleeds for the other people spread out all over finding out all sorts of harsh reality. People who have lost their loved ones, their homes, their funny, funny towns. I want to help so badly.... it\'s hard when you need so much help yourself. \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n(I love you, Trace.)\r\n\r\n \r\nc-spanton@care2.com